The word bullying has always been synonymous with schoolyards. The nature of the school environment leaves little room for individuality, forcing some children to take matters into their own hands. In their effort to establish a pecking order, exert power, or just stand out from the crowd, children face somewhat limited options. They can channel their energy in a positive direction, becoming a model student known for their perfect behaviour and excellent results. They can excel on the sporting field or in the cultural arena. They can gain attention by becoming the class clown. Or they can become the class bully, gaining power by belittling and scaring others into subservience.
Schoolyard bullying is something with which we are all familiar. We all grew up having to deal with incidents of name calling, exclusion, ganging up and rumour spreading. And while it was painful and often made the school day difficult to navigate, we had the comfort of knowing that at 3 o’clock when the final bell rang, we would be free of the bullying – at least until the next day.
Often, once out of the school environment, our friends would rally around us, assuring us they are completely on our side, but were too scared to speak up for fear of being the next target. You would spend time together talking, laughing and playing games until, by nightfall, the bullying had faded into insignificance. In fact, in many cases, by the next school day the bully had moved on to a new target and we could relax.
But that is far from the case for today’s children.
Thanks to digital technology and social media, children no longer have the option of leaving their bullies at the school gate. All afternoon and evening the bully is able to follow them, reminding them of their failings and unacceptable qualities, and reinforcing their sense of alienation and self-loathing.
Not only does the bullying not stop, it intensifies as the bully finds a new audience ready and willing to join the fray. The hundreds of children who see the posts might not know the victim, but that doesn’t stop them from joining in, making hurtful comments and belittling them, reducing their confidence and self-esteem even further. In fact, the anonymity provided by the digital realm emboldens them, giving them the confidence to hit out at the victims in ways that social norms would prevent them from doing face-to-face. The online world assumes the form of the colosseum with the crowds baying for the blood of the gladiator.
On-line bullying comes in many forms:
- Comments: snide remarks, character assassinations and revelations of wrongdoings
- Images: embarrassing photos or memes
- Emojis: pictorial shorthand that appears innocent, but carries connotations
- Catfishing: false profiles through which the victim is lured into a fake relationship
- Exclusion: creating group chats or sending images of group activities that don’t include the victim, increasing their feelings of isolation and rejection
- Silencing: reacting to everyone else’s messages and posts, but leaving the victim on ‘seen’
- Co-ercive control: forcing students to do things (often breaking the rules) in order to prove their worthiness and be accepted
- Stalking: following the victim’s every move online, turning up on all the same platforms and groups to intimidate them
- Doxing: the revealing of the victim’s personal information including their address, making them a target for physical attack
Far from enjoying an afternoon and evening free from the bullying and a chance to re-set before the next day, they find the bullying now continues relentlessly through the night. The child’s device constantly buzzes with notifications of new messages, new attacks on their character and new evidence of their shortcomings.
Unable to find an ally in this sea of negativity the child feels lost and alone, convinced that the whole world is against them – and might even be better off without them.
Many children find it hard to talk to their parents about the bullying, believing that they wouldn’t understand. Or, worse still, their parents’ solution might be to remove the child from their beloved devices – a fate far worse than bullying. Besides, modern education means they need at least some form of device in order to learn and complete the academic tasks set for them, meaning this solution would simply disadvantage them further, giving the bullies extra ammunition.
The stigma associated with visiting the school counsellor makes that an unappealing solution. And informing the class teacher of any bullying activity would alert the bully to the fact that you ‘snitched’ and lead to extreme retribution for your actions.
Drowning in misery, alienation and anxiety, the child becomes withdrawn from all aspects of life. They begin to avoid extra-curricular activities in an effort to reduce the amount of time spent in the bullying environment. They spend less time on their devices and appear startled every time they receive a message alert. They become quiet and sullen, lose their appetite and find it difficult to sleep.
As they absorb the bullies’ words, their self-esteem plummets and their self-loathing grows. They begin self-harming in an effort to replace the emotional pain with a physical form that is easier to understand and repair. They develop eating disorders in an effort to improve their outward appearance and make themselves more acceptable. Or, in the worst possible outcome, they become so utterly lost and miserable that they take their own life – an option favoured by three Australian children every week.
How to address online bullying:
- Don’t engage with the bully online, or let them know you are upset. What they want more than anything is a reaction from you
- Focus on strengthening your relationships offline
- Limit the amount of time you spend online
- Engage in offline activities you enjoy and are good at. This will help boost your mood and your self-esteem
- Take a screenshot of any bullying behaviour and show it to a trusted adult
- Report the bullying to someone you trust
Schoolyard bullying is inevitable. Humans will always compete for power and the easiest way to gain it is to belittle those around you. Some would even argue that it is a necessary part of our education, making us broad-shouldered and resilient and preparing us for the similar environment of the workplace and society in general.
But there is an enormous difference between schoolyard bullying and the relentless, open slather forum presented by the digital world.
No adult has the mental capacity and emotional intelligence to deal with this level of public attack, let alone children whose pre-frontal cortex is simply not developed enough to regulate their emotions or responses to such an emotional onslaught.
As children grow and establish their identity, they need to do so in a safe and protected environment, trusting that their inevitable stumbles and mistakes won’t be broadcast to and commented on by the whole world.
They need to know that they are loved and accepted no matter their appearance, intellect, religion, sexual orientation or their ability.
And they need to know that when things go wrong, there will be someone in their corner to help them navigate the situation unscathed.
Cybernetic Shield’s Cyber Incident Helpline provides just that – 24/7 support from a team trained in mental health first aid and cyber safety who can take their calls and help students in the event of any traumatic online incident.
For more information, visit www.mindshield.au
